Well! A blog. I have never had a blog before. I never thought of myself as someone who blogs. Yet here I am, blogging. So, as a non-blogger, why am I blogging now? I guess I have a lot of things on my mind, and I want to express them. I have a friend who posts her every mood and thought on facebook, but I was raised to keep things more private than that. Yet...I think I feel a sense of jealousy and longing when I read her posts. I, too, would like to share my innermost thoughts with the world, and see what the world has to say back.
I am 38 years old, and I have just completed the most dramatic year of my life. I got married last February, five months pregnant. Then I gave birth to my daughter June 29th, and she's the most precious thing I've ever had or known. I still look at her in disbelief--how could something so beautiful be mine? Now I am her world, along with her daddy, and she is ours. Seeing her smile at me is the greatest elation, the highest high I've ever felt. I feel almost afraid of it, afraid of having her fragile and innocent life in our hands.
I want so much to do right by her, to raise her as a confident and happy girl who feels nothing but unconditional love. I have felt sadness, and depression, and pain, and I want to carry all of that for her. I want her never to experience those things, although I know that she will have to live her life and she'll sometimes stumble and fall as she passes through life's paths.
