Big changes...

Today was Merryn and James' last day at the Robin's Nest. :-( they start at Elizabeth Mascia next week. 

I am going back to work, at IHS-US. 

Baby doesn't want to breast feed anymore and went to bed without crying or nursing for two days now. 

I  going to miss my Mer and Peanut desperately. 

Today is JJ's birthday.

Promises to myself

I need to make some commitments to myself.

1. I need to find love in my love. I can't live anymore with a person who never speaks to me, never laughs with me, never touches me, never wants to spend time with me, doesn't help me, doesn't encourage me, doesn't support me, doesn't ask about me, doesn't want to be with me. If I can't have love, I would rather be with Merryn and James and find love through them.

2. I need to take care of myself physically. I need to do it even when I feel depressed and lonely.

3. I need to take care of myself financially. I need to make sure I can follow my goals and that Merryn and James have the things they need in life.

Being with JJ is killing me. I have never felt so alone in my life.