Play Place

Merryn & James at Play Place today. Merryn after a while brought a foam block up to the upper level platform to use as a stool to boost herself up. Prior to today, she always called me for help

Hold your head up, whoa, hold your head high

But some of these days I feel that I can barely do that, barely hold my head up. Sometimes I feel the jaws of sadness breathing on my neck, and the pool of depression almost swallow me...I am starting to doubt myself, wonder if maybe I actually am crazy, or a goddamned fool. My money is beyond gone and I am in a hole like I have never been in before. My first lawyer was a disaster, beyond a disaster. She is gouging holes in me, sucking out every last drop of blood, of sanity...the people who I looked to for help turned their backs on me--Colleen. I can't see I'd ever want to see her face again. My parents support me but I feel ashamed, that this has cost so much, that it's such a spectacular failure, that for all of our efforts I have gained NOT ONE THING, and lost so many things. I feel like a horrific teacher, and as a mom, I'm always tired. I feel ashamed to call my friends, like I'm always wallowing in this mess, never able to walk in the light.