Bitterness

Bitterness

Knocks on my door

Crank calls me on the phone

Surprises me from behind a bush

Or from behind a face I used to trust

Grabs at my arms as I walk by.

I am getting weak.

But I haven't answered.

Not yet, at least.

Not as long as 

my kids 

give me butterfly kisses

And climb into my lap to hear stories

And want me to kiss their wounded fingers or a bump on their heads

And take them to the park.

Not as long as my parents keep standing

Like two mighty oaks

Visible through the dust, through the sand, the fog

strong, through every storm

Not as long as I have a sister and a brother, and their families, solid branches,  branching but strong

And those loyal friends, true blue, those two, those three or five or so

Who stand with me like my family, 

Form a ring around me even when much is required 

Protection, as bitterness and betrayal battle mightily to get through 

Keep trying, bitterness

Keep trying betrayal, manipulation, lies

But I see you, and now I know you

Better than you know me

Because you don't realiIze

For all the perverse sickness you cause

I have the antidote 

You hear joke, Mommy?

Last night, Merryn was so tired she told me she wanted to lie in bed while I have James his bath. When I came out to get her, she was sound asleep. 

So I think for the first time ever, I was putting James to sleep by himself. I forgot what it was like to put only one kid to bed--it's a lot easier! 

As I lay down with him, he said, "you hear joke, Mommy?" I said, "sure!" He says, "cookie!" Both of us: "hahahahaha!"

"You hear joke, Mommy?"

"Sure!"

"Pizza!"

"Ah-hahahahaha!"

"You hear joke, Mommy?"

"Sure!"

"Cheese!"

"Hoohooohoo haha oh that's funny!"

He told me several more jokes before falling asleep.

Names

This morning while I was changing James' diaper, he said, "Mommy, you name?" 

I said, "My name is Amy."

James: "Amy? Daddy name?"

Me: "Daddy's name is JJ."

 

James: "Mer-Mer name?"

Me: "Mer-mer's name is Merryn."

Me: "and what's your name?"

James: "James!"

Me: "yes, you are our little James"

James: "Me little James!"