December goals

1. No FB on the train

2. Run 3x a week

3. Paleo on weekdays; log any non-paleo foods

November goals

1. Run 3-4 days a week

2. Log exercise, non-paleo food, cash spending

3. Log house work

The cookie jar fund

I wanted to bring up our cookie jar fund in our counseling session today. This fund started because when we were going to Richard Cino, our first counselor, I said I hated that we don't have any shared money. He (Richard) proposed that we start making a small pool of money that we each contribute to equally every month. I proposed we put in $25 a month, each. Really just a symbolic amount to show goodwill and a willingness to share. JJ agreed to this, but with about the same reluctance that he agrees to anything. I asked JJ where we should keep the money. He said, "the cookie jar." 

Fast forward 10 months. I have put money in every month, usually more than $25, for a total of $295. But JJ added just $80--$60 in March, then $20 more in April. None since then. I know that he is aware of the fund, because we borrowed from it for a pizza last week. He took the money out (at my suggestion) and I replaced it.

Anyway, I have been annoyed and disappointed that he's not contributing and I wanted to talk about that a our counseling session today but we ended up discussing other things. So as we were driving to get the kids afterwards I still wanted to bring it up so, admittedly kind of out of the blue, I did. I said, "hey. Why haven't you been contributing to the cookie jar fund?" He said, "I don't have any money." I was totally stunned. There are a couple of things he could have said--"I forgot" would have been lame but plausible; "I don't want to" would at least have been honest--but "I don't have money" was a horrible answer. He said, "I  don't have money after buying the car." I said, "if you don't have money for $25 a month, you don't have money for anything." I started getting mad. I said, "so you just decided not to contribute without even telling me?" He refused to speak. I said, "JJ?" He said, "STOP POKING AT ME. I WAS ABOUT TO ANSWER." I said, "you didn't say anything, you just sat there. You didn't need to say, 'stop poking at me'; just say you need a minute to think." He said, "STOP!!! All you do is poke at things!" I said, "All YOU do is blame! I have the right to ask you about the money--you didn't do what you said you'd do. I kept my word, kept my end of the bargain. You didn't. And you didn't communicate anything to me. There's no-one in your life that would be okay with that." Then I said, "We don't even need two cars. We'd be fine with one, except that sharing is too difficult apparently." A couple things I thought of later but didn't say--he bought the car at the end of July after having no car expenses for three months. And the reason he didn't have car expenses was because he crashed the car and was driving my parents' car, for which he didn't pay anything.