Pig-headed

Wow, not a banner weekend with JJ. Yesterday I decided to rake leaves, partly to be outside and get exercise, partly to blow off steam, partly because it needed to be done. I started at the top behind the house and I was raking out beneath the bushes and plant beds. JJ opens the window and shouts at me, "Don't rake out those plant beds! Stop!" Then Merryn is standing there and she starts saying, "Stop, Mommy!" Still hurting from JJ's comments earlier this week, I said, "JJ, don't talk to me right now, I don't want to hear from you right now." Because you know what, I am SICK of hearing him act like he knows more about everything. And I'm the one out there raking, so what's the big deal if I rake out these plant beds. I cleaned out the bushes in front of the house and they looked much better, so it seemed to me that it was a good idea to rake them out. At least it wasn't hurting anything. I told Merryn to either close the window or come out and help me. She came out, which was great, of course. After a while JJ came out too with James and started taking down the Halloween decorations. He didn't say anything to me, until he was heading back inside. He said, "Amy, DON'T RAKE OUT THOSE PLANT BEDS! You're being pig-headed."

We didn't talk much the rest of the day. We all took naps; he went to the grocery store. 

This morning I took the kids to the park, then to lunch at the Horseman. I invited him to come but he didn't answer my text.

We hadn't really talked and then at dinner I said, "do you want to run the Turkey Trot? My dad wants to register soon so we should tell him." He said, "I don't know." Then he said, "Did you invite your parents to come up here for Christmas Eve and Day?" I said, "no." (We had never discussed this) He slammed his hands on the table and said, "Amy! We are not going to their house this year. We are having our Christmas here in our own house like grown-ups." I said, "I am not going to fight with you about this right now, but my sister and brother are coming to my parents' house so I want to go there." He refused to speak to me. He gave me the silent treatment the rest of the evening. Because that's what an awesome couple we are.

Parent teacher night

Ahhh, at school until 8, home at 9:30, didn't see the kids awake. :(

Never known a mother who cares so little

Yesterday Emma, James' teacher at daycare, called me to let me know that James had a fever. I texted JJ to see if he could go get him. He didn't get the message for awhile, but he finally went when he was done with school. I got home around 5:30. James didn't look so good, really lethargic and still pretty hot. I said, "oh, poor kid, I think we should keep him home tomorrow, don't you?" JJ said, "hmmm." I went down to make dinner. I had it ready and on the table, and I went up to tell JJ. He said, "I don't think anyone is going to eat. James is sick." I said, "what? Come on, I prepared this meal for us," and took James down. I asked him if he wanted to eat. He nodded so I put him in his chair. About 10 minutes later, JJ and Merryn finally came down. JJ sat down, and I said, "how should we handle tomorrow?" JJ said, "I don't know." I said, "who should stay home, you or me?" He said, "I don't know." Getting irritated, I said, "JJ, I stayed home with him last week, and that was already the second time in only 2 months at this job. So I think now it's your turn. If you will not take part in the conversation, I will just decide." He said, "you see? I am not talking to you because you already decided! All of that was just for you to tell me to stay home." I said, "tomorrow is a PD day, which you hate! I have a job too. What is your PD day? Are you doing something you don't want to miss?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "well, I think you should stay home because I have already stayed home twice this year." He said, "you care more about your job than you care about him. I have never seen a mother who cares so little about her children when they are sick." Remembering that JJ had pulled the exact same manipulative bullshit when I had asked him to stay home with Merryn 2 years ago, I said, "I am not even going to respond to this disgusting lie that I don't care about the kids--who actually are the only thing I care about, more than anything else in this world--but we still don't have a plan, so who stays home, you or me?" JJ still did not respond. Instead he picked up James and took him upstairs. 

In short, JJ would not talk to me after that. Since he didn't plan to stay home, I stayed home.

I missed another day of work. Three days in two months. At a brand-new job. And I only have about 12 days in the bank. JJ took a day in September when the car broke down, but not since. He's been at his job for 6 or 7 years, and he has 160 days in the bank. And he hates PD days. So I don't think it was fair.

But, this must be said, it was the most perfect of days with my sweet, wonderful son. We went for two walks, voted, took naps, had breakfast and lunch together, played with a ball, I gave him a bath, he played peek-a-boo with me, he said, "go, go, go!" And "ball!" And ran into my arms for hugs, and had the most perfect day ever, something JJ will never understand.