Money

Tonight on our way to pick up the kids, I said, "How about sushi tonight? My treat." JJ didn't answer. When we got back in the car after picking up the kids, I said, "So, what do you think?" He said, "I have $10,000 on my credit card. You offered to help pay for the sewer repair, but you never did." I said, "I forgot about it. And you never brought it up or tried to work out a fair number with me." We started to fight about money. He told me I was not paying enough to the family. I said, "JJ, I pay for the daycare, our single largest bill, as well as other things. And you have never brought this up before." He said, "we agreed you would save $500 a month for property taxes." I said, "that is FALSE. That is an agreement we had when I was paying for daycare for only one kid. When I got my new job, I came to you and said, 'I will pay for daycare for both kids, if you can pay for the property taxes.' You agreed to that plan. That has been the plan since I went back to work. That was absolutely something we discussed and agreed to. You have not mentioned any problems with this plan until tonight." He said, "well, what about everything else? I pay for everything else." I said, "no, you don't, I pay the phone bill, my student loan, diapers, and for pretty much everything the kids need. I am also trying to pay off some credit card debt that is still left from last year when I wasn't working." He said, "well, then you shouldn't have gone to California. You should be saving money for home repairs." I said, "while our kids are in daycare, I don't think it's realistic to be thinking about home repairs. Daycare costs $30,000 a year. And I don't think there is anything wrong with going to see my sister." I asked him about the monthly bills he pays. I said, "the mortgage is $1500, right?" He said, "no, $1800." I said, "since when?" He said, "since always." I said, "JJ, you are exaggerating. It's $1500. I have a copy of the statement. You gave it to me." Then said, "ok, fine. $1500. Why does it matter?" I said, "if we are trying to make a monthly budget, you can't add 'accidentally' add $300 to the mortgage bill." He said, "I pay a larger percent of my monthly income in family bills than you do." I said, "I don't get how those numbers add up. If you want to talk about money, you sit down with me with numbers. Real numbers, on bills and bank statements." He said, "you're saying the numbers I said aren't real?" I said, "well you just admitted that you tacked an extra $300--an extra 20%--on your mortgage number. So no, I am not sure your numbers are real." When we got home, I said, "so when do you want to look at the numbers?" He said, "tomorrow." I think it's pretty certain he won't show me anything. 

In truth, I had not forgotten about the sewer bill. I did offer to help him pay, and I think that is the right thing to do. But I admit I have been hesitating to write a check for half the amount he claims he owes when I know nothing about his finances. Writing a check for $4000 or $5000 would wipe me out completely; that's the entire amount I have in savings. He told me he has no savings at all and $10,000 in credit card debt, but those numbers don't seem to add up, as far as I can see. I don't think he should have to bear the burden of that financial hit alone, but I am not sure what is a fair way to split the amount, and he's not giving me enough information to figure it out. So we'll see what happens.

And meanwhile I might have to go eat sushi with the kids, or by myself.