Feeling down

I feel totally despondent about my marriage. I think it has been over for a long, long time and yet I can’t get out. After paying back the $20,000 it took to try to leave before, I have not been able to accumulate any savings again yet. I don’t want to not be with the kids. But nothing is going to change with JJ. We have a marriage with no love, no sex, no affection, no kindness, no warmth, no communication. I don’t trust him or believe him. I see him as a liar who has no problem saying whatever he wants to say about me just to win. He shouts over me when I try to talk to him about anything, blames me for everything, and then shuts down and completely ignore me. On Sunday he refused to speak as I tried to talk with him, and then when I said can you respond? Can you acknowledge in any way my point of view? He says, “all you do is talk.” So then I don’t talk to him. At all. For days. And now everything I feel is held inside. And I wish I never have to see him again.