Distance

Merryn and I are heading to Clear Lake tomorrow. We'll hang out with my parents, and we'll see most of the Brown relatives over the week, and some of the Roberts too. I am excited, but I am sad that JJ isn't coming. I asked him to go, and my parents even picked this week to go there so that JJ could come, since summer school finished last week. But he wanted to stay home. I wish he would have come, because I want us to do fun stuff together, and him to get to know my family. But he prefers to stay here. 

I am really wishing we could have more affection, especially sleeping next to each other. But we still have Merryn in our bed. Now we are going to be away for 4 nights. So we won't have the chance for that until I come back. I miss sleeping next to JJ and I'll miss him this week.

I am feeling a little blue as well because it seems like my friendship with Maryam is changing. She's been one of my closest friends lately, maybe the closest of all in NY, since we both were pregnant at the same time, got married at City Hall, teach English...but I didn't like some stuff that happened last year. She came back from a 5 month maternity leave in the middle of the year, and focused on complaining about other teachers, from my point of view. She complained to Berena about Mark, our chemistry teacher, and Sarah, the guidance counselor. She told me she wanted to ask Trevor, our department chair, to tell Jen not to come to English department meetings anymore since she thought Jen was too negative. But the thing that bugged me the most was that she somehow got involved in a lot of conversations about Chris Berry, an English teacher that was hired last year. She seemed to think he was a terrible teacher, I guess because Catherine was complaining about him. For some reason Maryam and Berena were having lots of conversations about Chris. I am not sure if Maryam was complaing to Berena about Chris, or Berena was complaining to Maryam, but either way I don't think it should have been happening. Maryam was Chris's peer, not his supervisor, and I don't get why she was involved in these conversations. She said that she told Berena that she had not observed Chris enough to rate him, and that if Berena gave him a negative rating "we" would file a grievance. But I was uncomfortable with that also because I'm the union leader and I felt she was stepping on my toes. Also, I talked to my district union rep, who said that Maryam was being unrealistic--in fact, Berena did indeed have the right to give Chris a negative rating, even with only one observation. So Maryam was throwing down a gauntlet that I wouldn't be able to back up. Also, I am not sure that Maryam's message to Berena was quite that clear. Later, Maryam told me that "off the record," she thought Chris was a terrible teacher who failed to manage his classroom or plan effectively. She said "I don't know why you and Trevor are defending him." I asked her how she could possibly know that Chris was a bad teacher, and her sole reason seemed to be that the class didn't seem well-managed to her when she was in there watching a demo lesson that was taught by somebody else! I told her I thought that was unfair.

Berena gave Chris the negative rating. In the comments that she wrote him, the language she used was almost identical to the complaints Maryam made to me "off the record." So unless it was an incredible coincidence, they did a lot of talking about Chris. Whether Maryam was defending Chris like she said, or complaining about him, I think those conversations were out of line. What I really don't like is that within a week of these events, Berena named Maryam a co-chair of the English department. 

Maryam has been a great friend to me, and a confidante, especially at times when JJ and I have struggled. But these seem like sort of shady dealings to me...She attacked me also when I told her I didn't agree with how she handled the situation with Chris. She sent me a text saying "I am growing increasingly uncomfortable with your reactions to everything I do and say." I ignored it because it seemed like an emotional reaction, and so much drama...just stupid stuff. But I was offended by it and I didn't like it.

We have seen each other this summer but we kind of quit communicating a couple of weeks ago. Normally she is extremely active on facebook, posting every thought or idea that comes to her, and she also is the first person to like or comment on things I post. But she hasn't said a word to me there for weeks. I have commented on her stuff, but nothing from her. I feel silly that I have even noticed this, but I am sad to feel that what was once a good friendship is changing, because I don't really have other friends like that in New York. Living in Sleepy Hollow and having a baby have made it hard to take part in the rest of the social life at school, and I feel like those that hang out socially don't see me as part of their crew anymore. So losing Maryam, if that's what's happening, feels like a major blow, leaving me feeling very alone.