You gotta know when to walk away...

Today I took the kids to the corn festival at Philipse Manor. I asked JJ if he'd drop us off there. He did, and I asked him if he'd pick us up around noon. I texted him when we were ready; he didn't answer so I called. He said he'd get us, and we were waiting for him in a convenient spot when he arrived. However, he seemed to be in a foul mood and really stressed. He pulled into the parking lot and popped the trunk, then came to get James. I told Merryn to stay under the tree, and I picked up the stroller to put it in the trunk. He turned towards me and shouted "Stay! Stay!" I didn't know what he was talking about and I thought he was yelling Merryn behind me, maybe behind my back she was getting up and stepping into the street. So I looked back and realized she was still sitting under the tree. I said, "are you talking to me?" He bellowed at me, "Stay there!" jabbed his finger at the tree, then got into the car to back it up. A group of people were walking by, and a woman looked at me and shook her head as if to say, "he talks to you like that?" I said, "what are you screaming at me 'Stay!' for? I'm not a dog!" He at no point said a single word to me about what he was doing, so I had no idea what he was doing. I got in the car and he started driving before I shut the door. I said, "JJ, you just shouted at me like you'd shout at a dog. People gave me a look like they didn't like your tone. You totally embarrassed me!" He ignored me. When we got home, he rushed back to his project, putting stones around a tree. I said, "is that why you were in such a rush? You didn't want to leave your project? But you didn't explain anything to me, you didn't say a word. Why did you treat me like that?" He ignored me. I said, "I asked you a question, JJ." He continued to ignore me. 

Tonight I asked him to sit down with me after dinner and make some plans for the school year. He said, "about what?" Looking ready to walk away. I said, "morning routine. Bedtime. Money." I said, "but please still down so we can really plan it and talk as partners. And equals." He shouted at me, "so just ask! Why do I have to sit down, why do you have to make such a big deal, 'we have to talk!'" I said, "because you don't answer, because there's no opportunity to talk to you. He sat down, and I said, "so let's make a plan for the morning." He said, "we leave at 7." I said, "ok, but we need to plan the process..." He jumped up and shouted, "you see! Now you're changing it!" I said, "what? I didn't change anything! I didn't even get to finish what I was saying. I don't think we need to have these long breakfasts." He said, "no, that's not the problem. You're the problem. You're always late." I said, "No. I'm not. That's false." Then he started going into blame for everything mode. "You're always giving orders." "JJ, actually I have never given orders to you. Ever. That has never happened." Then he went into the kitchen and saw that some things were on the counter from when I prepared dinner. (We were just finished eating.) He said, "why can't you put things away into the refrigerator?" I said, "I'm still eating! I barely got to take a bite yet!" (I had made a meal for kids and heated up leftovers for us.) He was coming out of the kitchen and I was walking into the kitchen. He was walking towards me as if he intended to walk through me. I blocked him with my hands. He didn't raise his hands but kept moving forward. I pushed back. I said, "JJ, I need to know something? Do you want a divorce? Because I can't live like this. I'm serious, do you want to get divorced?" He ran upstairs. 

Later in the tub, Merryn was doing a play with her dolls: "stop pushing me! Don't push me. I don't like how you are talking to me." God damn it.