Joan & Douglas

Joan and her nephew (JJ's biological cousin) Douglas came to visit today. JJ seemed to enjoy having them here more than he has in the past. Sometimes when Joan comes JJ barely talks, watching TV or grading papers instead. But today he actively engaged in conversation with them. Maybe it helped that Douglas was here. Despite having some mental health issues, he seems to be a good man. There are times when you talk to him and he seems sort of disconnected from what is actually happening, but he also could be kind, polite, a good conversationalist, and insightful. Joan always brings about 20 gifts even though JJ keeps telling her we have way too much stuff, which I agree with. But, to be honest, Merryn usually loves the toys she brings. I made a chicken cacciatore, which turned out pretty well.

It is very weird to me to be living this domestic life, because I've never been much of a homemaker/hostess. I can't seem to ever get the timing right. I am enjoying cooking, but I have to stick to the recipe. JJ is good at inventing recipes, but I need to follow what the recipe says precisely. I've found some good recipes though and they seem to come out pretty well.

JJ and I had a couple of skirmishes today...little but irritating stuff. JJ turns the TV on for Merryn pretty much all the time they are both home. I like the shows he puts on, which are all on Disney Junior--Mickey Mouse, Jake and the Neverland Pirates, Sophia the First--but I don't want her to watch TV all day long. If we turn the TV off, Merryn just starts playing. She draws, builds with her blocks, collects things and puts them places, tries on clothes, and in general is communicative and funny. When the TV is on, she sometimes plays too but generally she sits silently watching and doesn't respond when I try to talk to her. So while the shows are fine, I want her to do lots of things and have lots of interests, not just TV. And I don't want her to ignore me. So this morning, she had been watching for about two hours with JJ. A show came to an end, and I said, "Okay, let's turn on the news now, no more TV for Merryn." I tried to change the channel but accidentally put on a blank screen (I was feeding James at the time so I couldn't move around very well). I asked JJ for help and he just changed it back to Disney Junior. I said, "JJ, I just told Merryn her TV time is up." He said, "She is playing while she watches." I said, "You know what, I have brought this up several times, that I don't want her to watch TV all day. It's okay to have her turn it off sometimes." He said, "You're just anti-TV." I said, "No, we watch TV, she watches TV, everybody in this house watches a lot of TV. I just don't want it on ALL the time." I said, "I am not anti-TV, but I'm anti-being undermined by you. I have an opinion about this too and you totally discounted it. When you put the TV back on her channel just when I asked her to turn it off, you are teaching her to ignore her mom, and I have a problem with that."

The other thing was at dinner. I heated a bunch of leftovers for all of us. JJ quickly ate his pizza and was sitting there with his empty plate. I had my hot plate of food, but James was crying and I wanted to feed him his baby food. So I started feeding him, but then it occurred to me that JJ was done eating and my food was getting cold. So I asked JJ to feed the baby so I could eat. He said, "Well, if I feed the baby, I can't mark papers." I said, "You weren't marking papers, you were just sitting there. And this will just take a few minutes." He looked like he wanted to protest more so I just said, "Please JJ, you'll be able to grade your papers in a couple minutes and I want to eat. It will be fine." His response to that was to mock me in a high voice: "Oh it will be fine? Will it?"

Sometimes I am stunned by his inability to notice that someone needs help with something. But even worse, when he is asked to help he becomes defensive, instead of just...helping. One of my goals is to try not to get enraged by this, but also not to become afraid to ask for help. I am sure that JJ would not protest in the slightest to be waited on and served, and he would only notice it if someone pointed it out.

As for Merryn, she is starting to use her potty, but by no means could we say she is "potty trained," or that we are attempting to "train" her yet. When she uses it, it is a highly ritualistic experience. She wants to use the big potty, and then the little potty. She wants us to read several books to her while she's on the pot. Getting the folding chair open, climbing up on it all by herself (no help allowed), washing her hands. She also likes to climb on my legs or JJ's to get up to the coffee table, where she likes to sit.

James did actually take a nap today. A good long one, at the same time as Merryn. He also seems to be highly entertained by his sister. She likes to kiss and hug him and make funny faces at him, which seems to delight him, judging by the huge smile on his face when she does these things. And on a positive note about JJ, he held James for quite awhile today and had him laughing and cooing. JJ was kissing him and focused on playing with him instead of multi-tasking, and I think that makes a difference for James. JJ often gets frustrated because James tends to cry when he picks him up, but I hope that is a phase that is coming to an end.